Vaulting in the Big Leagues

I apologize for not posting in forever. It has been an extremely stressful semester. My classes were insane; I’ve never studied so much in my life. I ended up with a 3.667 GPA for the semester though, so I was happy with that. I was not so happy, however, with how vaulting went this year. That’s another reason why I haven’t posted in forever. I didn’t want to just be a Debbie Downer. So I’m going to try to keep this post as positive as possible. My season PR this year was 3.82m (about 12’6”), last year’s PR was 4.06m (about 13’4”). This year 3.85m qualified for regionals and 4.05m qualified for nationals. Needless to say, I was disappointed. If I was vaulting like I was last year I could have potentially made nationals this year. Instead, I didn’t even make regionals.
Honestly, I screwed myself over the second I heard that Brenner was leaving. Once I got over the initial shock I remember my very first thought being, “Well, there goes my season. So much for clearing 14’ before I graduate.” Well with an attitude like that, nothing is going to go well. Unfortunately, I learned that the hard way. All season I knew it was just my head holding me back, but I just couldn’t seem to shake it.
But next year is a new year. It’s my last year, so I’m not going to let anything hold me back. The coaching situation for next year is still entirely up in the air. But I’m not going to let that bother me this time. I know I know how to vault. And darn it all, I’m good at it. So regardless, of who we have for a coach, I’m just going to have fun and jump high!
Moral of the story: attitude is everything. I know it’s cliché to say, but it’s true. We vault because we love it. And this summer I’m going to enjoy vaulting again, regardless of how high I’m going. Good luck to all you high schoolers going into championship season!

Friday  afternoon at the New England Championships at MIT was a strange day.

“Hey,” I said to one of the long jumpers for the UMass men’s team, “Happy Graduation Day.”

A handful of us seniors were missing our Commencement ceremony to compete that day.  This was something we all expected when coming into our senior year, but I didn’t expect the mixed feelings that came along with our decision to compete instead of attending Commencement.  What if I don’t do well today? Will I regret missing the big hurrah of Commencement?  Even though New Englands is my favorite meet of the year, there was still a part of me that felt a pull back to Amherst.  A part of me wanted to experience the fun energy of a huge Commencement Ceremony, to feel like all the other students.

The weather was awful during warm-ups. It was windy and had passing showers.  I was finally able to jump well on 13ft poles during practice that week, but with the wind and my wrist still being injured I had a hard time controlling the pole during my approach.  It was painful.  I got nervous.  What if I couldn’t do this? Is this really how I was going to end my college career?

Oddly enough by the time competition started, the sky cleared.  The afternoon sun was shining.  The wind died down.  I had gotten my wrist taped up and by the time I started jumping the worries melted away.  I came in at 11’2″, cleared it first attempt–already the highest height I had jumped all season.  My confidence was back up and I was having fun.  I jumped 11’8″ that day for 7th place, the highest height I jump all season, an outdoor PR, and moved up to 4th all-time in the UMass record books.

After my last attempt at 12’2″–a height I’d desperately wanted since beginning my college vaulting career–the waterworks began.  It wasn’t because I didn’t get 12ft, but it was the end.  As vaulters, we all know the bar has to fall eventually.  We know the phrase, “All good things must come to an end”, but it doesn’t take away the reality of the moment when you do realize that it’s over.  In a strange fit of laughing, smiling, and crying, I hugged my parents and thanked them for coming to the meet.

I also looked around at the other coaches and officials–many of them who still cheered me on and supported me throughout my college career despite wearing different school colors.  Many of these folks had watched me grow into the young woman I am today from the little Fitchburg High School freshman.  It was special to me.  Here was a network of people that I loved being a part of and enjoyed seeing season after season.  Even though I was missing Commencement, I still brought my cap and gown to the meet.  It was my own little graduation.  It seemed fitting to have not just my family, but my pole vault family there to celebrate with me.

Strangely enough, it still didn’t hit me that it was over until the UMass Athletics website did a write up of Day 1 of New Englands.  When I read the sentence, “Chrissy Silvar finished her career…” it felt like a punch in the gut.  Wow.  That’s it.  It’s over.

Reflecting back on my time vaulting in college, I could easily be disappointed in not achieving all my goals–especially not getting 12ft.     But I’ve still done so many cool things:

• Scoring in every single conference championship I’ve ever competed in, Northeast 10 and Atlantic 10.
• Scoring at the New England Championships 3 times.
• 2009-2010 Indoor NE-10 Conference Champion in the Women’s Pole Vault.
• Breaking the UMass Lowell school record for indoor (11’2″) and outdoor (11′)
• Sitting at 4th All-Time in the Women’s Pole Vault record books in both indoor (11’10″) and outdoor (11’8″)

But pole vault isn’t just about the numbers.  I’m not walking around with my statistics posted to my forehead.  I’ve gained so much more from vaulting in college than I ever would if I was just a regular student…

• Patience.
• Perseverance.
• The importance of your attitude
• Balance–mental & physical, work & rest, school & track…
• Happiness–taking charge of a situation and changing it to what you need.
• Communication–especially through athlete and coach relationships

I’ve also gained a great group of friends from both universities I’ve attended and the support of many others from different schools along the way.

Even though I felt like I wanted to attend Commencement just like every other student graduating that day, I realize–I am not like every other student.  My college experience was not like those students.  As much as I would like to give words of wisdom at the end of my college career–I can’t.  The only thing I can stress is that your experience will not be like mine.  It will not be like anyone else’s.  It will only be your own.  It’s what you make of it.  And I’ll be checking back to read those posts.

Now here’s the time for the thank yous:

To my family: Thank you for traveling to meets whenever you could.  I can only count on one hand the number of meets you have missed.  Thank you for always believing in me and supporting me no matter what–and being my own personal cheering section!

To the coaches at UMass Lowell:  Thank you for seeing potential in a scrawny little sprinter from Fitchburg and welcoming her to your team.  Even though it didn’t work out due to injuries and changing priorities, thank you for supporting my decision to go to UMass Amherst and still being some of the loudest cheers at the meets.

To Coach Jackson, UMass Amherst: Thank you for being the most incredible coach and person I have ever worked with.  You have not only made me into a better athlete and pole vaulter, but also a better person.  Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into my development on and off the runway.  I hope to be just as passionate and committed to coaching as you are one day.

To my teammates, UMass Lowell & UMass Amherst: I was blessed with the experience of being a part of two teams representing the state of Massachusetts.  I’m grateful for the lessons you all have taught me at different points in my college experience.  I am very happy to call many of you my closest friends.

And last but not least, to Patriot Pole Vault Club: You are the backbone to my vaulting experience.  Without your support, the whole structure would crumble.  Allowing me to attend practices when I didn’t have a coach, giving me the opportunity to explore my own coaching abilities, and going above and beyond in every way possible.  Thank you for the opportunity to share my story for five years with this blog.  I always used these posts as an opportunity to gather my thoughts and take away learning experiences from each meet, injury, struggle, and accomplishment.  Thank you for your help in creating such a huge network of support throughout New England and helping pole vault grow.

If you were to look at the results of the women’s pole vault at the A10 Championships and look for Christine Silvar, the height next to it may look like I choked under pressure.  The funny thing is, I don’t feel that way at all.

Putting on my UMass track uniform that morning, I couldn’t even start to describe the emotions I was feeling.  I thought I’d be more sad or nervous with the pressure to go out with a bang for my last conference meet–but I wasn’t.  I didn’t feel that at all.  Sure, I recognized the importance of this day, but I was more excited.  I had a great pre-meet the day before.  I felt well rested.  I worried a little bit that maybe I was losing my competitive edge or wasn’t focused enough to really compete the way I should be.

When driving to our home track, I had realized that this was the first A10 Championship meet for the other two vaulters, Alyssa & Rachel.  I got excited for them but also recognized the nerves that come along with being in your first collegiate conference meet.  As many times as we joke about my “old age” and Super Senior status, this was the first time I realized how much experience I have gained in competing these past four years.  Not only did I want to be an example for them, but I was also able to fully understand the calm feeling I had coming into the meet.  I was just ready.

It’s hard not to get excited when the championship is held at home.  Friends, family, classmates, staff and faculty watching.  Taking pride in our facility that holds the history of training for this moment (even if most of the other teams think it’s awful).  Some may find it overstimulating or distracting.  Some may need the rush of traveling and feeling out of their element to succeed.  I didn’t feel this way at all.  I was very happy to be at home.

If you ever go to UMass Amherst’s track & field facility, you will find that the seating plan to view some events is terrible–at least to watch the pole vault.  For smaller meets, spectators are allowed to line the inside of the chain-link fence on the pole vault side.  They could not do that for this meet.  Instead of looking to my family’s usual spot before the meet, I had to settle for not knowing where they were until after I was done competing.

Until I heard cheers from the fence…

From left to right: my brother, Stevie; his girlfriend, Lisa; my mom (and her dog); my dad; my stepdad, Mike; my roommate, Cassy; and her boyfriend, Russ

“Are those punks trying to jump the fence?!” Coach Jackson was concerned, not yet recognizing the faces from far away.

“No, Coach,” I sighed, “that’s my family…”

Frustrated by viewing the pole vault from so far away, they pulled my stepfather’s pickup truck behind the fence and stood in the bed of the truck while poking their heads up over the fence.  The fact that they were perfectly positioned behind the Massachusetts banner was icing on the cake.  They brought loud cheers and were adorned in UMass gear, even a maroon bow in the dog’s hair. As crazy as it looked, I couldn’t help but smile. How could that kind of support not make you feel thankful?

My warm ups felt great.  I was only jumping on 12ft poles because of my wrist.  I just hadn’t been able to jump on 13ft poles because of it–but I had them on standby just in case.  I had work on and focus on a few things: like having a tall approach to have a taller take-off.  I had gotten much better at that from the few tweaks I made in each warm up jump.  I decided to come in at 10’8.25″ and felt ready to rock.  That was the only height I would clear that day.

Having a personal best of 11’11″, striving so badly for 12′ by the time I graduate, and with time winding down, you would think that I would be more upset about jumping 10’8.25″—but I’m not.  At all.  I had jumped well.  I felt great.  I executed each of Coach Jackson’s critiques after each jump.  I improved each time.  I was even starting to turn while jumping!  But the bar still fell.  My last attempt at 11’2″, when the bar dropped down on to the pit, I looked over at Coach Jackson with his hands on his head pursing his lips in frustration.

“You moved the pole so much better that time!” with a strange tone of disappointment and excitement–I couldn’t tell which one.  He was more upset than I was.

I just sort of shrugged my shoulders in an “oh well” fashion.

Later that day he added, “Those were some good jumps.  That’s some pretty good progress to set you up for next week.”

I was approached by teammates and alumni after.  They expected to console an upset girl when they saw the results.  They all had, “What happened?” written across their face.  A part of me thought that maybe I should be more upset.  I got worried.  Am I just done with pole vault? Am I over it? Do I not love it as much as I used to?  Did I really let the team down?  I answered no to all these questions and refused to let anyone make me think that I gave less than my best.

I didn’t walk away jumping 12ft.  I didn’t walk away A10 Champion.  But I can say I was focused.  I was motivated.  I even had fun.  Heck, I still scored with a tie for 7th place–something I didn’t expect at all.

And what’s the point of beating yourself up when you gave everything? There isn’t one.

I still have my favorite meet next weekend, New Englands!  I will be competing Friday afternoon, missing the big commencement ceremony at UMass, but I will be back for the Senior Recognition Ceremony for the college of Humanities and Fine Arts.

See you at MIT this Friday!!