I’m just gonna say it. Yesterday sucked.
After a long night of fulfilling my RA duties until 2am for Spring Carnival duty the night before (which essentially is the lamest excuse for students to get absolutely trashed and cause problems all over campus), I was prepared to sleep on the ride to Stonehill College. I was in the early van at 7am, so that only allowed 4 hours of sleep. I couldn’t wait to fall back asleep in the van until we found out the athletic department forgot to supply us with the keys. With no way to get the keys, they started arranging rides. Of course the biggest problem was “Chrissy’s poles” and for some reason everyone was so stumped by how we would get the poles to Stonehill. “But we don’t have t-shirts to tie them to the car!” “They don’t even fit in the car!” I didn’t see the big deal at all because I have these poles with me almost ALL THE TIME and mentioned that I had bungee cords and I just put them on my roof rack. Well, they took that and said–”Oh! So you can drive then?” I strapped the poles to my roof rack, like I do all the time, and kept hearing, “Wow, you’re so prepared. You do this a lot?” I kind of wanted to turn around and say, “Well, no sh*t, how else am I gonna take them anywhere?” They seriously just don’t get it. I drove myself, my poles, and four other people to the meet while trying my hardest not to fall asleep at the wheel. At least I got gas money (for the first time in my three years here).
After arriving at Stonehill I quickly found a spot on the floor in the field house, curled up to try and sleep. I kept getting interrupted/woken up by, “Oh, I forgot ____ in your car can I have your keys?”, “Hey, some guy by the javelin was asking for you (jokes).” Normally, I would not be so snippy–but I was exhausted and just trying to pull myself together to jump.
Needless to say, I only jumped 10ft and placed 4th overall. I didn’t really care that I didn’t get first, but 10 ft is my lowest height of the season and OF COURSE it had to be at the conference championships. The day before I had pulled my quad getting a few jumps in before the meet too, so that changed my approach a bit. I was in so much pain after the meet and I felt like such an idiot tearing up on the in field looking like a sore loser–but I was just exhausted. Right after the event I fell asleep in my mom’s car because there was no way I was going to be able to drive myself back to Lowell if I didn’t.
I guess the moral of the story is that I haven’t been taking care of myself. I’m stretched way too thin with all the responsibilities I have to do and it’s just not fun anymore. I’ve quit almost everything. I’m done. I’m completely burnt out. One of my friends said it best, “You wanted to go out with a bang but instead you’re going out with a fizzle.” I’ve been thinking a lot about it and the decisions I’ve made to join so many clubs/jobs/whatever. I joined these things because I didn’t feel a connection to my school. I wanted to feel a part of something–a feeling that I should have gotten with just being a student athlete, but I didn’t feel that way. Wherever I end up, I will ]just be a student athlete–not an RA, not a tutor, not an Orientation Leader, not a tour guide, etc.—and they showed their appreciation for me and valued me and the things I did. Hopefully I will be a member of a track team at a school that I am proud to represent and they are proud of me to represent them. It takes two parties to have a relationship and if only one is doing all the work, it eventually just falls apart.
Well, New Englands next week. I believe I will be there? I’m not sure. I think I qualified, but it also depends on injuries. But good luck to everyone with the rest of your season/semester!