Vaulting in the Big Leagues

Friday  afternoon at the New England Championships at MIT was a strange day.

“Hey,” I said to one of the long jumpers for the UMass men’s team, “Happy Graduation Day.”

A handful of us seniors were missing our Commencement ceremony to compete that day.  This was something we all expected when coming into our senior year, but I didn’t expect the mixed feelings that came along with our decision to compete instead of attending Commencement.  What if I don’t do well today? Will I regret missing the big hurrah of Commencement?  Even though New Englands is my favorite meet of the year, there was still a part of me that felt a pull back to Amherst.  A part of me wanted to experience the fun energy of a huge Commencement Ceremony, to feel like all the other students.

The weather was awful during warm-ups. It was windy and had passing showers.  I was finally able to jump well on 13ft poles during practice that week, but with the wind and my wrist still being injured I had a hard time controlling the pole during my approach.  It was painful.  I got nervous.  What if I couldn’t do this? Is this really how I was going to end my college career?

Oddly enough by the time competition started, the sky cleared.  The afternoon sun was shining.  The wind died down.  I had gotten my wrist taped up and by the time I started jumping the worries melted away.  I came in at 11’2″, cleared it first attempt–already the highest height I had jumped all season.  My confidence was back up and I was having fun.  I jumped 11’8″ that day for 7th place, the highest height I jump all season, an outdoor PR, and moved up to 4th all-time in the UMass record books.

After my last attempt at 12’2″–a height I’d desperately wanted since beginning my college vaulting career–the waterworks began.  It wasn’t because I didn’t get 12ft, but it was the end.  As vaulters, we all know the bar has to fall eventually.  We know the phrase, “All good things must come to an end”, but it doesn’t take away the reality of the moment when you do realize that it’s over.  In a strange fit of laughing, smiling, and crying, I hugged my parents and thanked them for coming to the meet.

I also looked around at the other coaches and officials–many of them who still cheered me on and supported me throughout my college career despite wearing different school colors.  Many of these folks had watched me grow into the young woman I am today from the little Fitchburg High School freshman.  It was special to me.  Here was a network of people that I loved being a part of and enjoyed seeing season after season.  Even though I was missing Commencement, I still brought my cap and gown to the meet.  It was my own little graduation.  It seemed fitting to have not just my family, but my pole vault family there to celebrate with me.

Strangely enough, it still didn’t hit me that it was over until the UMass Athletics website did a write up of Day 1 of New Englands.  When I read the sentence, “Chrissy Silvar finished her career…” it felt like a punch in the gut.  Wow.  That’s it.  It’s over.

Reflecting back on my time vaulting in college, I could easily be disappointed in not achieving all my goals–especially not getting 12ft.     But I’ve still done so many cool things:

• Scoring in every single conference championship I’ve ever competed in, Northeast 10 and Atlantic 10.
• Scoring at the New England Championships 3 times.
• 2009-2010 Indoor NE-10 Conference Champion in the Women’s Pole Vault.
• Breaking the UMass Lowell school record for indoor (11’2″) and outdoor (11′)
• Sitting at 4th All-Time in the Women’s Pole Vault record books in both indoor (11’10″) and outdoor (11’8″)

But pole vault isn’t just about the numbers.  I’m not walking around with my statistics posted to my forehead.  I’ve gained so much more from vaulting in college than I ever would if I was just a regular student…

• Patience.
• Perseverance.
• The importance of your attitude
• Balance–mental & physical, work & rest, school & track…
• Happiness–taking charge of a situation and changing it to what you need.
• Communication–especially through athlete and coach relationships

I’ve also gained a great group of friends from both universities I’ve attended and the support of many others from different schools along the way.

Even though I felt like I wanted to attend Commencement just like every other student graduating that day, I realize–I am not like every other student.  My college experience was not like those students.  As much as I would like to give words of wisdom at the end of my college career–I can’t.  The only thing I can stress is that your experience will not be like mine.  It will not be like anyone else’s.  It will only be your own.  It’s what you make of it.  And I’ll be checking back to read those posts.

Now here’s the time for the thank yous:

To my family: Thank you for traveling to meets whenever you could.  I can only count on one hand the number of meets you have missed.  Thank you for always believing in me and supporting me no matter what–and being my own personal cheering section!

To the coaches at UMass Lowell:  Thank you for seeing potential in a scrawny little sprinter from Fitchburg and welcoming her to your team.  Even though it didn’t work out due to injuries and changing priorities, thank you for supporting my decision to go to UMass Amherst and still being some of the loudest cheers at the meets.

To Coach Jackson, UMass Amherst: Thank you for being the most incredible coach and person I have ever worked with.  You have not only made me into a better athlete and pole vaulter, but also a better person.  Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into my development on and off the runway.  I hope to be just as passionate and committed to coaching as you are one day.

To my teammates, UMass Lowell & UMass Amherst: I was blessed with the experience of being a part of two teams representing the state of Massachusetts.  I’m grateful for the lessons you all have taught me at different points in my college experience.  I am very happy to call many of you my closest friends.

And last but not least, to Patriot Pole Vault Club: You are the backbone to my vaulting experience.  Without your support, the whole structure would crumble.  Allowing me to attend practices when I didn’t have a coach, giving me the opportunity to explore my own coaching abilities, and going above and beyond in every way possible.  Thank you for the opportunity to share my story for five years with this blog.  I always used these posts as an opportunity to gather my thoughts and take away learning experiences from each meet, injury, struggle, and accomplishment.  Thank you for your help in creating such a huge network of support throughout New England and helping pole vault grow.

If you were to look at the results of the women’s pole vault at the A10 Championships and look for Christine Silvar, the height next to it may look like I choked under pressure.  The funny thing is, I don’t feel that way at all.

Putting on my UMass track uniform that morning, I couldn’t even start to describe the emotions I was feeling.  I thought I’d be more sad or nervous with the pressure to go out with a bang for my last conference meet–but I wasn’t.  I didn’t feel that at all.  Sure, I recognized the importance of this day, but I was more excited.  I had a great pre-meet the day before.  I felt well rested.  I worried a little bit that maybe I was losing my competitive edge or wasn’t focused enough to really compete the way I should be.

When driving to our home track, I had realized that this was the first A10 Championship meet for the other two vaulters, Alyssa & Rachel.  I got excited for them but also recognized the nerves that come along with being in your first collegiate conference meet.  As many times as we joke about my “old age” and Super Senior status, this was the first time I realized how much experience I have gained in competing these past four years.  Not only did I want to be an example for them, but I was also able to fully understand the calm feeling I had coming into the meet.  I was just ready.

It’s hard not to get excited when the championship is held at home.  Friends, family, classmates, staff and faculty watching.  Taking pride in our facility that holds the history of training for this moment (even if most of the other teams think it’s awful).  Some may find it overstimulating or distracting.  Some may need the rush of traveling and feeling out of their element to succeed.  I didn’t feel this way at all.  I was very happy to be at home.

If you ever go to UMass Amherst’s track & field facility, you will find that the seating plan to view some events is terrible–at least to watch the pole vault.  For smaller meets, spectators are allowed to line the inside of the chain-link fence on the pole vault side.  They could not do that for this meet.  Instead of looking to my family’s usual spot before the meet, I had to settle for not knowing where they were until after I was done competing.

Until I heard cheers from the fence…

From left to right: my brother, Stevie; his girlfriend, Lisa; my mom (and her dog); my dad; my stepdad, Mike; my roommate, Cassy; and her boyfriend, Russ

“Are those punks trying to jump the fence?!” Coach Jackson was concerned, not yet recognizing the faces from far away.

“No, Coach,” I sighed, “that’s my family…”

Frustrated by viewing the pole vault from so far away, they pulled my stepfather’s pickup truck behind the fence and stood in the bed of the truck while poking their heads up over the fence.  The fact that they were perfectly positioned behind the Massachusetts banner was icing on the cake.  They brought loud cheers and were adorned in UMass gear, even a maroon bow in the dog’s hair. As crazy as it looked, I couldn’t help but smile. How could that kind of support not make you feel thankful?

My warm ups felt great.  I was only jumping on 12ft poles because of my wrist.  I just hadn’t been able to jump on 13ft poles because of it–but I had them on standby just in case.  I had work on and focus on a few things: like having a tall approach to have a taller take-off.  I had gotten much better at that from the few tweaks I made in each warm up jump.  I decided to come in at 10’8.25″ and felt ready to rock.  That was the only height I would clear that day.

Having a personal best of 11’11″, striving so badly for 12′ by the time I graduate, and with time winding down, you would think that I would be more upset about jumping 10’8.25″—but I’m not.  At all.  I had jumped well.  I felt great.  I executed each of Coach Jackson’s critiques after each jump.  I improved each time.  I was even starting to turn while jumping!  But the bar still fell.  My last attempt at 11’2″, when the bar dropped down on to the pit, I looked over at Coach Jackson with his hands on his head pursing his lips in frustration.

“You moved the pole so much better that time!” with a strange tone of disappointment and excitement–I couldn’t tell which one.  He was more upset than I was.

I just sort of shrugged my shoulders in an “oh well” fashion.

Later that day he added, “Those were some good jumps.  That’s some pretty good progress to set you up for next week.”

I was approached by teammates and alumni after.  They expected to console an upset girl when they saw the results.  They all had, “What happened?” written across their face.  A part of me thought that maybe I should be more upset.  I got worried.  Am I just done with pole vault? Am I over it? Do I not love it as much as I used to?  Did I really let the team down?  I answered no to all these questions and refused to let anyone make me think that I gave less than my best.

I didn’t walk away jumping 12ft.  I didn’t walk away A10 Champion.  But I can say I was focused.  I was motivated.  I even had fun.  Heck, I still scored with a tie for 7th place–something I didn’t expect at all.

And what’s the point of beating yourself up when you gave everything? There isn’t one.

I still have my favorite meet next weekend, New Englands!  I will be competing Friday afternoon, missing the big commencement ceremony at UMass, but I will be back for the Senior Recognition Ceremony for the college of Humanities and Fine Arts.

See you at MIT this Friday!!

My last post on here was about living in the moment, not getting too stressed out, and focusing on enjoying these last few weeks.

Well…I had a little trouble with that.

A few weeks ago at practice, I was asked to try jumping on a 13’7″ 145 pole.  My eyes bugged out a bit when he asked me, but with my new pseudo what-have-I-got-to-lose attitude I went for it.  First jump: shot straight up into the air and stayed put, trying to lean the pole to a safe landing spot.  Thankfully, this was the side of the pit.  Second jump: Same thing, but crashed onto the runway landing on my wrist and thumb.  He told me to try the 13’7″ 135 and at this point I was mad.  I was determined to complete a jump on that damn pole!  I was a little too determined, refusing to think, and took off 2 FEET outside, curled that pole in half and before I knew it Coach Jackson was catching me.  Oops.

After a bit of, “What were you thinking?!” I fought back.  It was a lose/lose.  I could have either chickened out and ran through or I could have gone for it.

Unfortunately, crashing down on the runway messed my hand up more than expected.  The next morning I couldn’t even move it.  After seeing the trainers, they sent me for X-rays.  They thought I broke my wrist.

When the doctor read my X-rays, he explained, “Well, you didn’t break it, but you might have broken it…”

“What?”

“You could still have a break in your sesamoid bone that has to get worse before we can actually see it…but if it doesn’t hurt, keep jumping!”

That’s all I needed to hear.  The upcoming meet was Senior Day and there was no way I was missing it.  They still put me in a splint/cast for the rest of the week that I only wore when I wasn’t jumping or working out.  I was rocking’ the Club Hand.

Senior Day/UMass Invitational came and I tried to jump.  We taped my wrist and thumb, I warmed up, and my jumps were crap.  Absolute crap.  Coach Jackson pulled me aside.

“Look, if your jumps are gonna keep looking like this I’m gonna pull you–so make up your mind.  Either jump or not.  If you’re not, start doing some starts for the 100m…”

The 100? THE 100? My event is not the damn 100m dash.  I’m a VAULTER.  I VAULT, and dammit, I was jumping on my stupid senior day!  I had one decent warm up jump and he kept me in.

In the meet, the jumps were still ugly.  My wrist didn’t feel strong enough and when I did jump it would throb the instant I hit the pit.  I was being too stubborn.  I should have sat out.  I only jumped 10’6″ to get 3rd or 4th place that day–which I wasn’t happy with–but everyone kept calling me a trooper for still jumping on a broken wrist.  A trooper? Or an idiot?

This is when I really started to flail a bit and panic.  My season could be done. I could have a broken wrist.  I can’t even get into the damn pit on my jumps anymore and I’ve been doing this for almost 10 years! What’s wrong with me? Am I completely losing it?  And my whole damn body hurts!  My hips won’t stay aligned.  I’m at the chiropractor’s almost every week–why is it all ending this way?!

Now before you go calling me a drama queen, I need to explain something a bit.  You see, there’s an conflicting perception of time when you’re a graduating senior.  It seems like the entire world around you can’t stop focusing on the fact that you’re graduating–even a month or so before you’re even close to taking your finals.  They seem eager to push you out the door into the real world when you still haven’t finished the task at hand.  Family and friends all get excited about your accomplishment even before you’ve actually accomplished it.  Questions come up like, “What are you doing after graduation?” that make you want to punch them square in the face when you don’t have anything to say.  It’s as if they completely fast-forward to the end of the film.  It’s not that you’re afraid of venturing out and moving on, you’re just not done yet!

I have a strange image of it.  I sort of feel like it’s this annoying little child that tugs and pulls at their mom’s clothes or purse while she’s having a conversation with another adult.  Sure, the mom can put up with it for so long, until she snaps.

“STOP IT, Jimmy–Mommy’s not done yet!”

It gets to you.  I assume you love your kid and all, but you’re in the middle of something else.  It’s not that you’re being irresponsible and ignoring the inevitable future/child, you’re just not done what you’re in the middle of.  I don’t care how tough your skin is, some days it’s going to get to you.  With everyone around you being your nagging child or a reminder of the quickly passing time, it’s hard not to snap.  It changes the way you look at things and suddenly you watch the ticking clock like everything is stopping much sooner than it really is.

After vault practice one day, I was upset that I still wasn’t completing jumps and could only focus on drives.  An entire practice of drives.  It felt good to work on basics again and get a good handle on those, but that ticking clock was still in the back of my mind.  As I was about to drive home with tears streaming down my face, Coach Jackson looked at me and said, “You still have plenty of time.”

What? Plenty of time? He was the only person that had said that to me in the past month or so.

They kept me home from the Holy Cross Invitational that weekend.  I’m going to say it was for my wrist, but I realize now it was to get my head on straight.  After that weekend I woke up one day and just felt…fine.  I’m not really sure what happened.  Maybe I needed some rest?  Maybe I needed to step back and clear my head?  Who knows, but Monday morning was different.  This week at practice I only focused on the tasks right in front of me, not anything after.  I completed the last bit of my assignments and watched the to-do list come down to a list of my finals schedule.  At practice I jumped on 12′ poles and did drills—over and over…and over….and over.  I finally cleared some bars and felt like my old self again.

This weekend is the Pre-Conference Meet at UNH and I’m excited to be back in action, despite the strange clicking sound my wrist makes now…

Just one more season left in my collegiate career.  Just one.  Where did the time go?  I even had a 5th year and it still went by so fast!

Yesterday was the start of our outdoor season at American International College’s Yellowjacket Invitational.  Before coming into this meet, I had a very emotional week.  I had a long list of things I was upset about: not succeeding in my transition to a 6 step approach, stressed from looking ahead of all the assignments crammed into only 3 more weeks of classes, and still trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do after I graduate.  I was losing sleep.  I was unable to clear my head for practices and unable to perform even the smallest of tasks–I was just flat out exhausted.  I wasn’t even motivated to do my night-before-a-meet routine–something I always look forward to.  Because of that, I had no idea how this meet was going to go.

This meet was also different because I wasn’t just pole vaulting. I was running in the 100m dash for the first time since my senior year of high school.

Men’s vault was first, so I sat around for a while with the other vaulters.  I was kind of out of it.  I didn’t feel like myself at all.  I usually abide by Coach Jackson’s rule for no phones or having phones off while we were at the meet, but I heard my phone ring.  I had gotten a text and snuck a look in my bag.  It was one of my closest friends and former UMass vaulter Lindsey Pfau.  After she graduated last year, she moved down to Tallahassee for grad school.

“When are you jumping?”

“Soon,” I shot a text back, “Men went first.”  Then I shut my phone off and zipped my bag shut to try and focus.

The men’s vault was finishing up when I looked up past the track and saw a tiny little blond girl waving.

“Wait…” I heard behind me, “Isn’t that…?”

“Oh my god.  It’s Lindsey!”

I shot right up and wanted to run across the runway and track to see her–but instead we had to wait for a race to run by, wait for a vaulter to jump, and then we were finally together jumping and hugging.  I started crying.  It was such a great surprise!

The women’s vault started and I passed to come in at 10’6″.  I had to run the 100m dash first.  I was heat 5, lane 5.  It was the last heat of the race.  Since I hadn’t run that race since 2007, I guess they didn’t really know where to put me.  It was myself and two other girls.  To give you an idea of the level of competition I was up against: the official had to ask one of the other competitors to “please put your hands behind the starting line.”  I had to work so hard to hold in my laughter and stay in the blocks.  I finished the race almost a full 2 seconds faster.  That race had all my friends and family cracking up.  I had heard I ran like a vaulter that lost her way–and her pole.

It was finally time to vault and I was the last competitor when I came in at 10’6″.  Running the 100m screwed up my run a bit and it was all off.  Take off’s were sloppy.  I wasn’t moving my top hand at all.  I won the meet with 11′ (okay, 10’11.75″).  On my last attempt at 11’6″, I looked over to Coach Jackson across the track and we both threw up our hands, “Eh, next time.”

It was nice to walk away with a win even if I wasn’t thrilled with the height, but I didn’t care about results from that meet.  Competing outside in the sunshine, my return to sprinting after about 5 years, Lindsey’s surprise appearance, and other encouraging words from teammates and other alumni after the meet, I was reminded of something much more important.  Springtime is supposed to be fun.  Outdoor track comes at a wonderful time of year with celebrations, banquets, and other exciting moments to close out the school year.  I shouldn’t let my worries overshadow the fun stuff that comes along with being a senior and graduating.

These are my last few moments at UMass and being in a UMass uniform.  I’m never going to get this back.  I look at my friends and teammates that graduated last year and could have sworn it was just yesterday that they were here doing all of this.  Now it’s my turn.  I’m thankful that they’ve taken the time to reach out to me during the most stressful–but wonderful–time in my life so far because they know exactly how it feels.  They’ve reminded me that everything I’m worrying about now is going to work out eventually.  I just need to live in the moment a little more instead.

I apologize for the delay in entries for the end of indoor track.  Life got a little hectic.  As crazy as it was, it was still a very exciting time with mixed emotions and personal achievements.

My favorite meet of the season, New England Championships, went well.  I finished with 8th place, but my body was screaming for a break.  My lower back, hips, and legs were just shot.  I was lucky to even make it down the runway.  As tired and achy as I was, it was nice to see everyone at the meet.

I was kind of falling apart by the end of indoor track. This is the ice/wrap combo/diaper the trainers at BU put together for me to ice my hips, SI joints, and lower back.

ECACs was a new experience for me.  I had no idea what to expect.  It was kind of cool to be the only jumper representing UMass and I was just happy to be there.  It was strange to have Coach Jackson’s undivided attention though–I’m so used to him running around to all the other jumpers’ events.  When I found out that opening height was the qualifying height–the highest height I have ever made in my life–I didn’t even get nervous.  It was more of a “Well, here goes nothing.”  Again, I was just happy to make it down to the pit.  My body was just not responding the way it needed to–double leg swing, round-house plant–and overall hurting.  I ended up no-heighting that day, but as my mom seems to keep repeating, “It’s an honor just to be nominated…” (I explain that it’s not a ‘nomination’, but she still says it anyway).

That was it.  Last indoor season over.  I’ll admit it, I teared up. Not because I no-heighted, but because it was the first reality that my college career was coming to a close.  There isn’t a “well, there’s always next year”.  I’m happy that it was the best season I’ve had so far.  I was still upset that I didn’t get 12ft for indoor, but I’ve come a long way from last year’s indoor season: I went from placing 8th to 4th at A10s, an indoor PR of 11’3″ to 11’10″, from no place to 8th place at New Englands, and qualifying for ECACs for the first time.

And now we are in between seasons.  With our first outdoor meet around the corner, I can’t believe that the training went by so quickly.  After a week and a half of rest, recovery, and multiple tune-up trainer’s appointments, I felt back to normal.  I stayed in town over spring break and worked out with Coach Jackson learning some new things for outdoor.  That’s already a huge improvement from last year.  This time last year I was recovering from a broken nose and concussion.

One of the biggest changes we’re making is that I will be moving back to 6 steps.  I’ve been doing 5 steps since I started vaulting, and will admit, I feel a little silly with the shortest approach at most of the meets we go to (except for when I place with only 5 steps–that feels great!).

A 6 step approach is a HUGE change for me.  I had a hard time wrapping my head around it.  The rhythm is different.  The sounds are different.  I know the last three steps are the same, but it’s getting to those three steps that throws me off.  I’ve had to run it about a BILLION times over this last week and a half and it finally is starting to feel a bit more natural.  The biggest thing I had to get used to was the speed of it.  I’m used to cranking up the speed much quicker because I had a shorter amount of time.  I felt so much slower at 6 steps.  Since I felt slower, I didn’t have the same confidence at take-off and it just didn’t feel right.  I was able to take off a few times in our first jumps practice over break, but the second one I just stayed on the ground and worked on rhythm.  I’m looking forward to pole vault practice this week to put it all together.

Hopefully I’ll have another update before the first meet, but if not–our first meet is April 7 at American International College!  Good luck to everyone who has already started their outdoor seasons & keep it up for those who are still training!

Patriot Pole Vault Club questioned it’s club members on Valentine’s Day last week, “When did you first fall in love with pole vault?”

I was in the 8th grade.  I was a St. Bernard’s Elementary School student who found herself volunteering working at the concession stand at the outdoor District E Championships at Fitchburg High School’s Crocker Field.  The only exposure I had to track and field was beating my classmates in the 50 yard dash on Field Day and jumping over a few hurdles.  My older cousin Ashley Jollimore, one of Fitchburg’s top 100m dash runners at the time, was competing that day but I had been distracted from her event.  I was pulled to the dark depths of Crocker Field, next to the clubhouse under the shade of the trees, next to the rushing waters of the Nashua River.  Our flirtation had begun.  I had told my mother that if I was going to be on the track team in high school, I wanted to do that event.

My freshman year of high school, I told the coaches that I wanted to be a pole vaulter.  After the usual screening process of, “Pole vaulters are supposed to be the strongest and best athletes on the team,” or “It’s not as easy as it looks,” and “It’s going to take a lot of patience.”  It only made me want to prove myself that much more.  When I cleared 6 ft at practice in preparation for my first meet, that’s the day I became Fitchburg High School’s pole vaulter.

Thinking about it today, as a 4th semester senior at UMass Amherst and still a pole vaulter, that was almost 9 years ago. Pole vault and I have been together for almost 9 years this spring.

Like any long term relationship, over this past season the spark was starting to fade for me–or at least that’s what I hear happens sometimes.  Personally, I wouldn’t know.  It’s not that I didn’t love pole vault.  I still did, but the same ol’ same ol’ was getting boring.  Same heights.  Same jumps.  Same results–after years of learning together and growing together.  I was starting to think that maybe this was as good as it was going to get.

This past weekend at the A-10 Championships, pole vault proved me wrong.  With a “nothing left to lose” attitude, I was jumping like I had never done before.  I grabbed the 13′ 150, and just let whatever happened happen.  This wasn’t a time to criticize.  This wasn’t a time to think about too much.  It was time to jump.  After “5, 4, 3, 2, 1″ I didn’t think.  They weren’t the best jumps technique-wise, as usual, but with a clear mind and confidence the heights just kept coming.

I finished with a new personal best of 11’10″ and ran out of poles for 12’2″.  Three solid attempts under my belt for the New Englands.  Based on misses, I had tied for 4th with URI’s Kaylan Pickford with the same height as 3rd place.  I had also bought myself another day to compete.  I’ll be headed to ECACs after New Englands.

What happened with pole vault and I? Well, I just needed to stop.  I needed to stop beating my head against a wall and trying to ‘fix’ and work on our relationship to make it perfect.  It will never be perfect, but it will be the best that I can make it.  And when it comes down to it.  It’s just about the love.  I love to pole vault.  I love to compete.  I have a lot of fun.  And that’s all that really matters.  Who can really argue with that?

It’s also interesting to see that now my relationship with pole vault is back on track, it rolls over to other aspects of university life.  I’m more motivated to finish my last semester of classes strong instead of breezing by.  I’m more focused.  I don’t feel as aimless or passionless.

It feels good to have the spark back.

I’ve had such a fabulous time vaulting lately. I’m no where near perfect (ask Iggy and Coach Ken) but I’m so happy that I’m finally starting to do things right!

1. I’ve started actually running. That doesn’t mean Coach Ken doesn’t still make comments about me being slow. I am still slow on occasion, but there’s actually some oomph to my run now!

2. I’ve learned the magic of actually planting the pole with my arms up and not just flinging myself towards the planting box. Get this- IT WORKS. I’ve had poles that I thought I was blowing through, but it turns out I just wasn’t planting right and harnessing the power.

3. Coach Ken makes really really really good food.

4. I know there is something to be said for quality not quantity, but I’ve been having longer pole vault practices lately. I used to feel bad whenever my mother would take me to practice at patriot and I wouldn’t vault for long, but now I’m taking advantage of the two days of the week I get to actually be with pole vault coaches.

I’m really excited to get going with outdoor competitions, but alas, I won’t compete again until March 31st. So until then- lots of pole runs, pole plants and work on my swing (ex. I said to Coach Ken at Harvard today “So THAT’S what a swing is supposed to look like?!”)

And I’m also super excited to keep being rewarded with Coach Ken’s food. If you haven’t had it, you’re seriously missing out.

Peace Love and Vault

Jacqui

So far this season has been a lot of playing around and figuring it out.  I’ve still had some great jumps and have come into meets very calm and collected.  I’ve been waiting for it to all come together.  Whether it’s finding the right pole or putting practice drills into play at a meet.

And that finally happened.

Too bad it was during warm-ups at the The Charles Torpey Tribute Meet at URI and not the actual competition.

The most significant thing I have been working on this season is breaking in my trail leg after a powerful swing, bringing my knees into my chest (but not to my face!), and just going along for the ride.  I swing pretty long and that just slows everything down.  So after many drills, watching videos, and visualizing what I wanted to do–it finally happened.  I warmed up on a 13′ 135lb pole getting after a bungee and I FLEW.  It felt great.  It happened! I was so excited and Coach Jackson was thrilled too.

At competition time, I passed to 10’10″ and had to wait patiently for the bar to go up.  This gave me a lot of time to focus–but it turns out I was focusing too hard.  My brain was running a thousand miles a minute: What did that feel like again? How did I do that? Remember to really pull hard. You’ve done it before now just do it again.

To cut to the chase, I choked.  No one would even recognize me on that runway.  Slow approach.  Weak plant.  And crashing into the crossbar and never actually finishing the jump.  It’s interesting to go from blowing through that pole just a week before to barely getting on it the next week.  I did clear my opening height of 10’10″ but that was it.  The rest of the jumps were absolutely useless.

It’s been a while since Coach Jackson has had to tell me to, to put it in nicer terms, “Remove my head from my–” Ummm… “opposite end.”  But I couldn’t even process what was going on during the meet to even try to fix it.  I had no idea what was happening.  How could I go from having a huge breakthrough to jumping so poorly?

After the meet, Coach and I both needed our space to cool off (I swear, this is like a marriage in itself–I don’t know how Jenn Suhr does it).  Then we were able to talk to each other without being mean.

“What happened?  What changed between warm ups and competition?  You had the girls out here nervous watching your warmups!” he asked me.

“I just wanted it so bad.  I kept thinking, ‘Do it again! JUST DO IT AGAIN!’ I don’t have much time left.  It’s this week, then BU Valentine, then A-10s.  Then only a few meets in outdoor season. And I’m graduating in the spring.  This is it.”

“But the fact that you did it during warm ups without even thinking shows that it’s in your brain.  It’s in your muscle memory.  It’s more natural now.  You don’t even have to focus on it anymore.  If you focus on it and work too hard on it, you actually end up resisting the jump and not letting it naturally happen.  You have to trust.”

So I’m just going shake off this meet and get ready for the next one.  Preparation for next week isn’t going to be about the drills or the technique that I’ve been working so hard on.  It’s going to be to trust myself and just letting the jumps happen.

It’s here! It’s here! It’s here!!!

Myself and my fellow UMass Minutewomen made our way to the URI Sorlein Invitational yesterday morning–our first meet of the season.  URI’s newly resurfaced track was ready to finally be broken in with a track meet.  We were excited to all be together as a team for the first time.

Due to budgeting, we all hopped into 3 vans and set out for Kingstown, Rhode Island, instead of taking the Peter Pan bus like we have in the past.  We squeezed 13 young women and our gear into our 12 person van.  For some reason, I didn’t technically have a seat–so I had half of my tush on the bench and the other half, well–let’s just say it was a balancing act for the two hour ride there.

Besides hanging off of my seat for all of the ride, there were other things about this trip that felt different.  I wasn’t nervous–AT ALL.  I laughed.  I joked with some teammates. I didn’t listen to music (probably because my iPod broke).  It was nice.  I think this really helped set the tone for the meet ahead.  I felt relaxed and confident in my abilities.  I have plenty of experience.  With this being my final year as a collegiate athlete it just felt time to leave it all on the runway.  Each meet that passes is a step closer to graduation.  It’s time to take all the strength and knowledge I’ve gained these past 4 years and JUMP.

My calm demeanor really helped me in competition.  I started at the very comfortable height at 10’4″ and cleared it my first jump of the season.  Some old habits crept back in on that one jump, but I laughed it off and went full speed ahead.  With a clear head and relaxed body I was able to execute everything we had been working on preseason and intersession.  I felt my arms come back, my chest open, and a powerful swing come through.  For once it actually felt natural instead of constantly thinking over and over.

Yesterday was more of an experiment.  Vaulting over the summer and straight through to the season I had made a lot of progress in my technique.  When placed in a competition setting, anything can happen.  Adrenaline is a crazy thing.  It can make even little girls like me blow through the biggest poles in competition that she can’t even think about touching in practice.  Coach Jackson and I had to play around a bit with different poles and we moved the standards a lot.  I started on a 12′ 150.  Then switched to a 12’6″ 145, a 12’6″ 150, then a 13′ 130–a pole that freaked me out at practice.  I was jumping on that with my standards at 75 and 70.

Each jump felt amazing–but the bar still fell.  I kept looking to Coach Jackson for what I did wrong.  I checked my step each time, but he shook his head and smiled, “Your step is fine, Silvar.”  He told me I was doing great and the other coaches assured me that I was getting some great jumps in.  I guess I was still doing everything I was supposed to.

I was surprised at my own reaction to the crossbar falling each time.  I didn’t get upset like I normally would or let it get to me.  I ended up jumping 10’10, which is 8 inches under my personal best, but I still felt successful because of my attitude during competition and taking some great jumps.  And Coach Jackson was happy with it–and when he’s happy, I’m happy.

“I could have kept you on the 12′ 150 all day and you would have cleared these heights no problem, but this won’t help you later in the season,” he told me after the meet.

So maybe the height wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but I’m very happy with this start to the season and hope to take these lessons with me for future meets.

So when I was first planning this blog post my big piece of news was that I got hurt. Nothing significant but it was my first trip to the trainers EVER, and my first time missing a practice due to injury since freshman year of high school. I subluxed my shoulder. Which basically means I dislocated it, but it’s not as bad as a dislocation because it pops out and right back in on its own. And of course I did it doing a drill that I have done 3 million times with no issues, a straight armed back extension roll (a backward roll to handstand for you non-gymnasts). So I was out for two weeks back in November.

That brings us up to our first meet. Which I felt no where near ready for. But really, nobody ever feels ready for their first meet. I jumped 11’6″. I was not at all happy with it, but I was definitely behind schedule as far as training goes because of my shoulder. I jumped 12′ at our second meet, which I still wasn’t particularly happy with but it was progress.

And that brings us to winter break. Which didn’t really exist for me. Since I was on co-op I had work every weekday up until December 30th. So I was only able to go home on the weekends; I had long weekends for Thanksgiving and Christmas at least. Since I was in Boston the whole time, I trained through the two weeks that the majority of the team was home for. So it was nice to get some extra practice in. The rest of the team got back January 2nd for practice. That week I only had practice to worry about since I was done with work and classes hadn’t started yet.

And now for the big news. Brenner is no longer our coach; he is now coaching at Harvard. We found out that he was leaving on January 2nd and that was his last week with us. It was certainly an emotional week of practice ending with an emotional meet. I only jumped 12′ again, but I’m trying not to worry about heights so early in the season. I don’t blame Brenner at all for leaving. It was a great opportunity for him and he had already turned down several great offers over the years. And I know he felt bad leaving us too. It’s still really tough to deal with though. Brenner got me a huge PR last year and I can’t help but think that I won’t be able to progress as well without him. And on top of that Brenner was not only a great coach, but a great person in general and he will be missed a TON! But everyone has to move on at some point. Our weight coach made a good point: All great coaches are replaceable because they actually taught you something. So our new pv coach is our very own Brian Daly; he has retired as an athlete and is now an assistant coach. I have a lot of confidence in Brian as a coach, it’s just really different and is going to take some getting used to. Being coached by someone that you’ve been a teammate with for so long is just so weird. Anyway, I’m trying to stay positive about all these changes, but it is a lot to deal with.

Welp, it’s only the 2nd day of classes and I already have a ton of work to do. I have 2 clinicals this semester so I’m going to be super busy. So I best get going on the loads of reading I already have. Hope everyone else is having a good indoor season so far!